Dating can feel daunting but when you add the impacts of intergenerational trauma into the mix it can become exhausting, say two friends who are trying to eliminate all that stress with a virtual snag fest.
The cheeky title implies that the upcoming Zoom sessions are meant to be fun. The concept started as a joke between Deanna StandingCloud and Victoria Marie but as they thought about Indigenous networking, the talks became serious.
“It’s such a hard time to get out there and meet new people,” said Marie, who is a tribal member of Sisseton-Wahpeton Oyate and lives in Minnesota.
The pair met when they were both pregnant and developed a friendship while they organized an Indigenous wellness retreat together. Both work in the Indigenous wellness field and organize other events centred on Indigenous healing.
StandingCloud, a citizen of Red Lake Nation in Minnesota, is a powwow MC, a bingo caller and a wellness advocate for Indigenous communities.
She said dating is yet another task on an already long list that includes child-rearing and healing from her own hurts and said a lot of single Indigenous women can understand that. Then when you have a partner who wants help dealing with their own trauma, it can be exhausting.
“I get tired of holding it all together, so I would love for men to be medicine for their communities,” said StandingCloud.
Marie’s company, Indigenous Lotus, is hosting the event on Zoom. There will be two 90-minute sessions where participants will break out into speed dating rounds and will play connection games, like the old-time dating game shows.
Jane Meader, a Mi’kmaw grandmother from Unama’ki, said in dating, Indigenous people are asked to be good medicine to one another because of a responsibility to the community. Ensuring women feel safe in dating has always been a part of Mi’kmaw culture, she said.
“Women were very helpful to one another and treated each other with kindness,” said Meader.
She said today’s sexual objectification of Indigenous women is a foreign concept and that traditionally in Mi’kmaw families, women held the power. They chose who they wanted to marry and a potential partner would have to prove to her and her family that he was worth marrying. When they married, he was committing to the woman’s language, culture, clan and family, and it was also within her power to decide if she wanted a divorce.
Meader said anyone considering dating should ask if their potential partner loves, honours and respects themselves, other genders and Creator.
“It’s about us being better human beings, first before anything else,” said Meader.
Marie said she hopes Indigenous women can have fun at their online connection event and that for men, being in a circle with healthy Indigenous women will encourage them to seek healing for intergenerational trauma.
“I believe in bringing people together with the same intention of having fun, and connecting is expanding our ability to heal one another,” said Marie.
The online event will also centre on creating new friendships and participants can either hold a yellow ribbon for friendship or a red ribbon for romantic interests.
